Speaking of vaginas, some women are afraid to push a watermelon-sized object through theirs. Understandable.
Some people are afraid because they still feel like big kids themselves, so who knows if they’ll be any good at parenthood. I mean, what if you’re 32 years old and still hate vegetables, fail to make your bed in the morning, and are too emotionally unstable to handle things like a shopping trip at Ikea?
And some people are afraid that kids are just plain evil:
Still, I’m struggling with a major fear of my own. Babies are dangerous for a women like me, who have entrepreneurial dreams plus a husband trying to establish himself as a self-employed artist. See, it’s more than just a fear of what motherhood will mean for our careers– it’s about our dreams potentially slipping away, and who we might turn into as a result of having lost them. Maybe that sounds selfish. And maybe all of our priorities will get turned on their heads once an amazing tiny human is entrusted to our care. But for now, this is the fear we face.
Interestingly, there’s a common thread among all of the potential-parent-related fears listed above: the dismantling of one’s identity.
Who will you be if your hard-earned body and beauty go to hell? Will you still be desirable? Will you still feel special? As a woman, do you still count?
What will it mean if you’re bad at parenthood? Are you a failure? Are you an undisciplined, irresponsible, selfish non-grown up?
Who will you be if you don’t achieve your dreams? Will you be doomed to perpetual unhappiness and regret? Will you be someone who never achieved their own personal standard of success?
Maybe the best thing any of us can do is get a handle on who we truly are– with or without babies, or changes, or dreams unreached.
If you can feel beautiful and worthy even with the 3 F’s…
If you can accept your imperfections as a parent yet steadily improve at Loving because you haven’t given up on or your child (or yourself)…
And if I can see my career as a journey filled with meaning as opposed to a destination that ensures happiness…
Maybe then our true identities will be unshakeable.
In fact, by doing these things we’ll be more than just unshakeable– we’ll thrive. Which works out nicely, because if you’re thriving on the inside, it’s impossible to be a bad parent or be emotionally crushed by your freaky vagina.