Maybe I’m naive. Or in denial. Or too forgiving. Or a hopeless optimist. But I don’t believe that if you put a bunch of women together in a room they’ll inevitably become catty.
Just so there’s no misunderstanding, I acknowledge that cattiness is a real phenomenon. I’ve heard of gossiping, backstabbing women in the workplace. I’ve heard stories of women purposely excluding one particular female because they’ve unanimously decided she’s threatening or unlikeable. And I’ve heard stories of women whose cat claws come out when they enter a room in which there’s another “alpha female” present, and they resort to telepathically telling each other to “Step off, b*tch!”
But none of the stories I’ve heard have been replicated in my own life experience.
Yes, really. Well, okay…maybe there was that one time. But the situation that comes to mind escalated and resolved about a year ago, which means I had already lived 30 years on this planet before razor sharp cat claws made their one and only appearance in my life.
Conclusion: Cattiness is NOT a by-product of having a vagina. ‘Cause I’ve had mine for a long time and it’s not usually a problem.
Exclusive to Vaginas?
If you think claws only come out when vaginas get offended, think again.
Cattiness is really just one of many expressions of insecurity, ignited when your sense of self-worth is threatened by others. Similar expressions of insecurity are arrogance, extreme competition, and perfectionism.
But are any of these tied exclusively to the idea that men are awful because they’re men so they can’t help it?
But cattiness? Cattiness is viewed as the inescapable downfall of the female gender. It’s attributed to women being b*tches, instead of to the fact that when people are hurting they sometimes express their pain in truly stupid ways.
Look, cattiness exists not because women can’t get a grip on themselves, but because we are ALL responsible for creating a culture of scarcity and competition. Male or female, we are all perpetrators. Male or female, we are all victims.
Why I’ve Been Spared
Sometimes I wonder why I haven’t experienced much cattiness in my life. Am I lucky? Blessed? Sheltered?
Despite my own insecurities and the imperfect culture in which we live, I think my fortune boils down to my belief that women are not evil b*tches. I really like women. I give them the benefit of the doubt. I’m proud to be one. And I think most women sense this from me, so really, claws are never necessary.
So here’s some advice: If you want to combat cattiness, don’t tell off a catty woman. Build her up if you can, because cattiness is a sign of her need for love and validation, which we all deserve.
In other words, don’t tell her she inspired this photo:
But if you lack the strength or patience to address the source of the problem, simply walk away and focus on becoming so comfortable in your own skin that you don’t even feel mad at her, nor feel the need to lash out, which would only perpetuate the cycle of insecurity and meanness.
Oh, and lastly? Stop blaming vaginas.