I have never dated an a**hole in my entire life. Never. Not even once.
This should impress you, especially since in my 20′s alone (I didn’t date in my teens), I enjoyed 3 wonderful boyfriends, 1 summer fling, and 1 very handsome priest. (For the record, he was barely out of seminary.) I also dated 4 really nice guys who I met on Match.com, one of whom ended up becoming my husband! Yay!
Clearly, I’m an expert at attracting non-a**holes into my life. So today I’m going to teach you how to craft the perfect profile for an online dating website — one that will be a magnet for those who are just as awesome as you are.
(Dear married, unavailable, and “single-and-loving-it” people: Today’s post is really about how to draw positive people into your life in general. So keep reading!)
Whether you’re typing up your online profile for a dating website, or simply getting ready to meet new people at a party, follow these guidelines:
1. Don’t try to be interesting or impressive.
We all want people to be utterly amazed upon meeting us. But if we examine this desire a bit deeper, we see that what we really want is to be loved and accepted for who we are. So don’t get caught up in trying to highlight your best side all the time. Instead, present yourself in an honest and authentic way– imperfections and all. Whoever is drawn to that is good for you. Whoever walks away probably wasn’t your type anyway.
So how does this translate into your online profile? For starters, don’t toot your own horn by listing your highest accomplishments or coolest hobbies. Instead, communicate what kind of person you are and what you value. You can do this by listing your favorite things (your most beloved books, films, and musicians say a lot about you), and by describing your personal goals for the future. People who share your values are your best match.
2. Don’t post your best photo. (Or: Stop trying to look hot all the time.)
Please…never, ever, EVER upload a Match.com profile photo in which you’re seductively gazing into the camera, not smiling, and showing off your biceps or cleavage. It screams self-involved arrogant douche bag. Trust me, you won’t look hot — you’ll look like you’re trying too hard to look cool. But worst of all, you’ll end up attracting — you guessed it– self-involved arrogant douche bags. Why? Because those are the only people (aside from your grandma), who would actually be impressed by those lame self portraits you posed for.
Offline, if you walk into a room trying hard to come off like you’re hot stuff, you will attract people who are arrogant. While everyone else is avoiding you, arrogant people will sense you are a kindred spirit and will be drawn in. Or they’ll feel threatened and thus hang around you in order to size up the competition. See how that works?
Instead, always present yourself in a way that is in line with your personality and values. You’ll soon be surrounded by like-minded folks who are drawn to you because, after taking their cues from your appearance, words and actions, feel that you are “their kind of people”.
3. Be who you are looking for.
Want to know how my Match.com profile attracted my husband Brian to me? Because it had a goofy Top 10 Things To Know About Me list, and at the top was “I am deathly afraid of zombies.”
I was looking for a goofy and geeky person to date, so I told jokes about the undead..and BAM!, the comedians and geeks flocked to me. So did some super nice musicians (because I wrote that I was a terribly mediocre singer-songwriter).
We attract what we put out into the world. When you’re nutty, mean, desperate, or unstable, similar people respond to your energy. But when you project positivity, that’s what you get in return — in your relationships, in your pursuits, and in your life.